The more it goes, the more I realize that most aspects of my life can be considered as habits. From the food I eat, to the people I speak to, my comfort levels lie in the knowledge, commonality and familiarity. I try as much as I can to grow and improve, but sometimes I find change difficult. Difficult, not because of the effort required to accomplish that change, but difficult because it requires that I change all the habits which revolve around that element.
For example, when I decided to start wearing hijab, what I found difficult was adapting the headscarf to my style and indivuality. I could have easily chosen to change my style, but I knew that this was not what I wanted to do. Gradually, I learned how to make different styles using tutorials, eventually learning to improvise my own.
This is true of most change. When I moved to Ottawa, what I found most difficult was not the adaptation to the city, but the fact that my social circle was so limited. For years I had a solid social circles where I could visit friends at the drop of a hat, of course I have now rebuilt my social circle to a similar level, but it took some time, and the initial blow took a toll on me.
I am now at a phase of my life where I know I need to make a change. I am very uncertain of the path I wish to take and, while considering my options, I find that I rely on familiarity to take on the next step. I have often made changes by jumping in, relying on nothing but faith and hoping to redevelop habits once settled. My current clinging to habits is new to me and makes me wonder whether I’ve grown wiser or weaker.
Am I avoiding unecessary risks or am I scared to take necessary ones? I am in a good place physically and mentally, I have found an inner peace which has long lacked in my life. A change is required in my life, and currently it is innevitable, but somehow, I cling to this stability in fear of losing it once change happens. Sometimes the worse habit to kick off is comfort itself!